In Memory of William Ollinger (Paul's Dad)

My dad died peacefully at his home last Friday. He left this world with a clear conscience while napping in his favorite recliner and surrounded by loved ones. He was 93 years old.

If you’re looking for guidance on how to lead a good life, Dad was a pretty good example. In this interview from 2019, we discuss work, money, saving, and family, but all these are really just a coded way to answer the question, “what is most important in your life?” For Dad, it was faith, family, and security, which meant always putting himself second while providing everything his family needed and forgoing most discretional material acquisitions.

Dad eschewed luxury, living simply and well within his means. Eminently frugal and practical, he had few wants other than to be faithful, useful and kind. While a devout Catholic, he also demonstrated traits of the most practiced Stoics and Buddhists. He wanted little, maintained self-control and practiced moderation in both consumption and emotion. He enjoyed whatever beer was on sale, and kept it Arctic cold.

Most importantly, with my dad, it was never “about him.” He had a strong sense of self, but didn’t take himself too seriously. He was genuinely interested in others, listening way more than he talked, and then only to say something nice or to make a corny joke at his own expense. And he always, without fail, conducted himself as the consummate gentleman.

As a kid growing up in his relatively austere home, I longed for more stuff. More toys. Nicer furniture, and air conditioning. (Dear Lord, Dad, it’s July in the south – please, more air conditioning!) But as an adult with plenty of A/C, I want to be more like him. While I am still plenty ambitious and motivated, I want to be more detached from the results. I want to do things for the right reasons. I want to listen to others instead of the chorus of voices in the back of my head telling me all the things I should be doing instead (Now! Today!). And I want the kind of serenity that comes from knowing who you are and what matters in life.

With all the talk about privilege these days, I hear almost no one talking about the privilege of great parenting. Well I had it and it’s one I’m going to do my best to pass onto my kids.